….no, let’s not, actually.
Adventures in dating have been interesting. That guy I mentioned in one of my previous posts? Didn’t work out. I became a victim of breadcrumbing. Those of you unfamiliar with the dating lingo these days, breadcrumbing is when someone shows JUUUUUUST enough interest to kind of string you along. I’d get a text one night, respond to it, then not hear from him for another week. Same greeting, new week without any contact. I don’t know why some people think this is acceptable. I genuinely liked him, but it wasn’t right and I deserved better than breadcrumbs. So the last time I got that “hey you” text, I ignored it. Hey yourself.
So I got back onto a dating app. Back into the cesspool. What I did learn about myself from the last round of dating is that I can, in fact, have actual, meaningful conversations with someone who completely disagrees with me politically, that having kids isn’t a deal-breaker, and that if you want a relationship, act like you want one.
Messages on dating apps are weird. Sometimes I’ll get something interesting that shows the guy read my profile (“what was your favorite part of Santa Fe?” or “what was the last concert you saw?” or “omg I actually got the [insert super obscure Simpsons reference here]!”), but most fall into 2 categories:
- Really explicit hookup requests (no thanks)
Come on. Have we completely lost our way? I may have conditioned myself to deal with a lack of romance but that’s barely even friendly. Give me something to work with here. One guy had (if I remember correctly) a semi-decent opening line, so I went to check out his profile. Oh heavens. Nothing in his profile except for this:
Hobbies: eating p***y
So I wrote him back. “Not my type, thanks and good luck!” He tried to explain that “I have other hobbies” but by then I could tell this guy wasn’t what I was looking for. You’re a grown ass man, not a frat boy wearing an “amateur gynecologist” shirt. Act like it.
Sometimes I still wonder if I’m asking for too much. Like maybe I’m seeking a unicorn. But I have other things to worry about than lowering my standards. So I didn’t.
One gent in particular caught my eye and we got to talking. We met and proceeded to go on a fair amount of dates ranging anywhere from the typical date night to friendly trash talk during a Steelers game in the last few weeks. These are all good things. So here goes round two. I like the guy. He makes me laugh and I enjoy his company. So far, so good. We’ll see how it goes.
What I like about this round is that I’m being pretty upfront about what I’m seeking in a relationship, what I definitely don’t want, and ultimately, what I need to get out of a relationship. I’m too old to play games or be subtle. At the same time, I want dating to be fun and exciting and new while I get to know someone. Somehow, I think I’ve managed both. I’m not about to waste anybody’s time, especially my own. I’d expect someone else to extend the same courtesy to me.
Something else I’m learning in this round of dating is to communicate. While we are still getting to know each other, I don’t expect someone to know how to push my buttons, what pisses me off, and what sends me over the edge. If he’s doing something I don’t like, I tell him. I don’t expect someone to know when something’s wrong, and I don’t expect him to know how to fix this mystery thing that’s wrong. We’ve yet to have an argument, but I’m not afraid of confrontation to get everything out in the open to work on said argument and continue to build a relationship.
For so many years, I’ve completely lost myself in someone else. I’ve feigned interest in things I absolutely don’t care about (gambling, college football that isn’t Pitt/UConn/UVA/VA Tech, Scandinavian metal bands, etc.) just to make someone happy or content. Now, I have no problem saying I’m not into something I’m actually not into, whatever it may be. Oh, you want to go to the Renaissance Fair? I mean, okay, I guess. At the same time, I wouldn’t expect anyone to get into pysanky or grunge/punk music just because they’re two things I happen to love. You’re not into Nirvana? That’s okay. I am. I’ve enjoyed them for 20+ years without you. You’re a Colts fan and not a Steelers fan? That’s fine. I’ll wear my black and gold and you wear your blue and white and may the best team win. I promise not to attack you personally during a game, just your team and coaching staff.
I’m too old to honestly believe I can change someone at their core, or even superficial things. I don’t expect someone to want to change me, either. If you want something different, move along. I think I’m pretty awesome to be around. Honesty is the best policy for just about everything.
So let’s just have fun and see where it goes.